Castle in Cesme

This Week in Review

After my friend left on Monday, it was back to life as usual. As I said before, the owner of the studio decided that she was going to get a divorce about the fourth day I was here. She promptly left for Istanbul and hasn't been seen since. Interesting turn of events but I have gotten used to it. By Wednesday I was getting a little sad that I was going to miss Thanksgiving and even got a little teary-eyed when I heard "Little Drummer Boy" playing in Starbucks. Metin (who is the soon to be ex-husband and owner of Bistrom where I eat all my meals) went to the "American store" where the owner sells all the crappy US brands that he somehow smuggles out of the commissary. He was going to surprise me with a Betty Crocker pumpkin pie but wouldn't you know it, they were all sold out. Things were looking up when my client Seyda asked me to come over for dinner and she would make turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing but just hours after the invitation she called to say that her dad was coming in town and I wasn't invited anymore. This earned her the title of "Worst client of the Week" for getting my hopes up. I ended up just eating at Bistrom with one of my clients and her husband and pretending my chicken kabob was a roasted turkey with all the fixins. Everyone got into the spirit of things and I was forced to give a blessing before dinner so I laid it on thick by thanking Jesus for blessing the food and prayed for good health in the coming year.

Since I hang out at the restaurant so much, Metin and the waiters started getting very protective of me like they tend to do here. My friend Fatih came to meet me at the restaurant and Metin said to him in that special Turkish passive aggressive style "You remind me so much of my friend's little boy. You look just like him. He's about 4 years old and really a cute kid." It gets me a little nervous. The best part of last week was when I bought my ticket to Germany! I'm leaving on Thursday to see my sister and there is a day trip to Prague planned for Sunday. For some reason the tour leaves at 5am so that is no bueno but I have wanted to go to Prague for years so you gotta do what you gotta do.

The worst part of the week was when I texted my friend "Do you want to go get Chinese food tomorrow night?" and I accidentally sent it to my client, Cem. You remember Cem, right? Eighteen years old, braces, skinny as a reed, acne, probably never has spoken to a girl before? Well he ended up calling me and I had to explain that I didn't mean to send it to him. Awkward.

Ephesus

So this weekend marked my FIRST visitor to Turkey in all the time I've been here. Yes, I said my FIRST. This is meant to make you feel bad. My international traveling buddy Joanna whom I met at Semester at Sea, lived in Ireland with, live in NYC with and traveled with to Italy, now lives in London (she is a bit of a gypsy soul like yours truly). She got in Friday night and left Monday night. The first night at dinner someone mentioned that we should go to Ephesus which is an ancient city and sometimes on the list of 7 Wonders of the World ( I found out that there is no definitive list. Pretty much anyone can make up a 7 Wonders list. Look it up on Wikipedia).

I've never been one for tours or tourist traps so I wasn't that keen on going but I ended up getting steamrolled by a group of 7 Turks that I had to go. They were UNRELENTING. It's your national treasure-I get it. I know we don't have anything older that 250 years old in America-don't rub it in. However, I am very happy that we went because we had a private tour and the city wasn't crowded at all because it's off season so it was good times had by all. (Except when I had decided that our tour guide was going to be my next vacation boyfriend. Cute, perfect English AND he would be a wealth of information every where we went. Then he told me he had a girlfriend...wah wah wahhhhh.) Here are some of the highlights....

This is The House of Mary where supposedly the Virgin Mary lived out her last days. They almost had me until we found out that the reason they know that Mary lived here was because a German nun in the 1800's had a stigmata and spoke in tongues and led them to Mary's house. Uummmm.......nice try. The Pope is also on board that this was Mary's house so while we were there we saw a lot of Christians making their pilgrimage.

Me in a big red shoe

Long story.

Yum

Yes, they eat corn in a cup for a snack.

Boo hoo, I have a funny accent

I used to have this friend from Brazil and quite often when she would say things people would giggle and tell her how cute she sounded when she said certain words. They would kid with her about her accent and the way she put sentences together. About 7 years after she had been in America she was telling a story and someone mimicked her accent and she started crying. She kind of went off about how she couldn't stand to be teased anymore and that was how she spoke and it wasn't that funny, dammit! At the time I didn't understand the problem. Everyone thought it was so cute and she got so much attention for being foreign and everyone just wished that they had a great accent for goodness sakes! What were all the tears about? I get it now.

Changes are coming....

Like the psychics and tarot card readers of America, Turkey has their own special kind of scam-people who can read your coffee cup. The first time I saw this was when I was in Ankara and I was having dinner at my friend Kezbans house. She told me her sister was coming over to read her coffee cup and I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. Her English is not that great so she described her as a magician.

After dinner Kezban had her Turkish coffee and then flipped over her cup onto the saucer and let it cool. When the sister flipped it back over, she looked at the cup very intently and talked about Kezban having another baby, changes with work maybe some money coming her way...the usual psychic stuff. Then she also read the gunk that came out of the cup onto the saucer. It held its own special secrets.

The good news is they have a coffee cup reading hotline so if you ever interested in getting your future read all you have to do is deposit some money into a bank account and then they will give you a call once the money has gone through.

I finally have a friend

To understand how I acquired my new friend Fatih (faw tee) we need to go way back. The first time I came to Turkey I rented out my apartment to a girl named Danielle. When we were talking she mentioned that her cousin lived in Istanbul and was engaged to a Turkish man. Interesting coincidence. So I asked Danielle to give me her cousin's information so I would know someone there. The cousin's name is Jen and I didn't end up meeting her until the 2 days before I came back to America. Quick story about Jen and her husband Celal: Jen was living in San Diego and working at an internet company. The customer service woman at her work was off that day so Jen had to answer the phone. Celal called from Istanbul with a question about his website. He called again the next day and then they started emailing each other and talking on the phone. They did this for 6 months and decided to meet in Barcelona. They spent one week together, Jen came back to San Diego, packed up her things and moved to Istanbul! Who does that happen too?
So I hung out with Jen in Istanbul and we got along really well even though we had a conversation like this....
We were walking through a really nice part of town.
K-"I'm going to live right there with a view of the water."
J-"And I will live right next to you in that house."
K-"Oh my god, we could be best friends forever!"
J-"Well I don't know about that."
Love her anyway.
I also stayed with Jen and Celal during my infamous 2 day stay in Turkey.
So Celal went to Missouri State (?) and had this other Turkish friend there Fatih, who now lives in Izmir. Now he is my friend.

She's so.....dreamy

My new favorite client of the week is Sema. She's about to turn 50 and she has a better body than I do. Always dressed to the 9's, hair and makeup always perfect. I thought she was just a rich housewife but today she told me that she is an translator for a few different corporations and government agencies in Turkey. She translates Turkish, English, French and German. It's so.....sophisticated. She's rich, she's beautiful, she never complains, she is confident and charming, she speaks 4 languages- it's SEMA......my favorite client of the week.

No need sending me the funny internet clips....

YouTube is officially banned in Turkey.

Watching you

Pull your lower eyelid down with your index finger to mean "It's not going to happen. Quit bugging me about it!" There seems to be a few other meanings, I just haven't figured them out yet.

Best quote of the weekend

I saw one of my old clients and she was telling me about this historic site near Izmir that I needed to go to. The place is called The House of Mary but she couldn't remember it.
"It's The House of.....The House of......what is the name of your prophet's mother?"

My Triumphant Return to Ankara: A Brief Retrospective

I arrived Friday night.....

First stop was to see my favorite waxer in the world, Serap......

Then it was off to see old what's his face.....

Ended up at a Marilyn Monroe inspired bar....huh?.....

There was drinking involved....

and oh yes, there was smoking.....

Spent a lot of time with Hayri's boyfriend, Olcan. No but seriously, he REALLY likes this guy. Olcan is leaving in January to get his MBA in Corpus Christi. Yikes.......

Saw some old friends.......

A new scarf was purchased.....

Saw an Amy Winehouse tribute band.......

Ate a hearty breakfast....

And then it was back on the plane to Izmir Sunday night. We will give this trip a 6 1/2 out of 10 considering weather conditions and the slight boredom factor. It was great seeing everyone from Turkish Life part 1 but I'm glad to be back.

I want this dog so freakin bad

My new favorite client of the week

My favorite client of the week is an 18-year-old boy named Cem (if you remember, the "c" in Turkish makes a "J" sound). He might be the skinniest male I've ever seen. He's Nicole Richie skinny circa 2 summers ago. I was going to tell you about his bitchin Jew fro but tonight he was wearing a Star of David necklace so now that joke seems inappropriate. Cem started coming to me because he has some serious postural issues. Not only does he have to endure work outs with me but we had this really awkward official first meeting with his mother there. "Go ahead Cem, tell her what hurts."
Of course I am kind of jealous of him because he goes to a high school where classes are taught in Turkish, English and French so pretty much he speaks better English than I do. Why aren't we as Americans forced to learn other languages as children?? Do you know how rich I would be if I spoke fluent Mandarin Chinese right now??
So anyway- goofy, braces, acne, hunchback, big hair, stick thin....CEM, my favorite client of the week.

All by myself....again

Last week Defne decided to go to Istanbul to study. The trip was going to last 6 days, then 10 days and now there is no definitive date of return. With no one to hang out with at night, I have ended up wandering the streets and then making my way back to Defne's (soon to be ex) husband's restaurant. I usually have the tavuk sis but tonight settled on a sebzli pizza and a glass of red wine. There was a photo shoot going on tonight at the restaurant and never being one to turn down an opportunity to get my picture taken, I jumped right in.

The funny thing about Defne being gone is that now I have become friends with her husband because I think he is a little lonely too. He's a bit introverted at times so we do things like read our books together at the coffee shop but mostly I just hang out at his restaurant and eat his food for free. If you are ever in Izmir you must stop by Bistrom and try the truffle cake. It's to kill for. I also have befriended the manager at the restaurant. I don't know his name which is really awkward because by now I have had at least 8 hours of conversation with him and it seems a little late in the game to tell him I don't know his name. His English is terrible so I pretend to give him English lessons and he pretends like he will pay me for it and we all have a good laugh.
I also talked my way into a gym membership at Swissotel which is kind of like The Fours Seasons Hotel so that's where you can find me between 2-4pm on weekdays. I tried to bargain a good price for the month and then just acted real naive and smiley so they decided I should just come work out for free. That same day I got some free fried bananas from this guy Jo Jo (when I asked him what his Turkish name was he said "Ahmet") soooooo....I'm hoping to keep that lucky streak going.

Wide spread English mistakes made by Turkish people

Not like I have any room to talk but these are just observations. When you are in a foreign country by yourself, you have a lot of time to think about and disect the English language. This will be an on going list.
-"I like it too much" instead of so much
-"This is Kelly" instead of my name is Kelly when introducing yourself.
-When you ask someone how they are doing they say "thank you"
-"Why you didn't like the movie?"
-Saying "he" instead of "she" or vice versa. In Turkish there is just "O" which is both he, she and it so this is a very common mistake.
-"I come here every time" instead of all the time. This mistake comes from a direct translation from Turkish.
-They spell things out that don't need to be spelled. When Hayri goes to the gym he says he did cardio and A-B-S. My client today said she was going swimming at the S-P-A.

In the window of a home furnishing store

You often see things written in English that don't really make sense. This had something to do with a really soft rug. I'm not kidding.

Ata who?

There is only one thing the Turks love more than a national holiday (we just celebrated "Children's Day") and that is The Man, The Myth, The Savior of the Country.....Ataturk. You can't walk a block without seeing a statue, a portrait, a monument or a billboard dedicated to this man.
Today was the anniversary of his death so everyone has a moment of silence at 9:05am coming out onto the streets and bowing there heads and saying a prayer. I was on my way to go get coffee when I realized that I was the only one on the busy street walking and walking in the wrong direction nonetheless. I slowed my pace and then figured out that I should probably stand still to avoid getting anymore dirty looks. On this beautiful day in November, I bid to you, dear Mustafa Ataturk, a tip of the hat and a fond adieu.

A Brief History

Click to enlarge. I made you this pie chart to follow along.

I have to have one of these costumes for next Halloween

The best commercial on tv is for Turkcell which is the main cell phone company. Their mascots are these creepy little kids dressed up in yellow and black outfits who go around spreading the word of how great life is with a Turkcell plan. I love.

whatEVER

This non-verbal communication might be a little harder to explain...
imagine wafting a pleasant smell from a boiling pot towards your face with your hand. Now put an annoyed look on your face to mean "give me a freakin break" or "blah, blah, blah" when someone is saying something ridiculous.

It's all mine.....

The good thing about Americans being scared of Muslims is that I feel like I have this great secret and I get to have Turkey all to myself. I think Turkey needs a good PR person because so much of what you would think the country would be like is wrong. They have a secular government just like ours so prayer in schools is not allowed- no, people are not dropping to there knees 5 times a day to pray-yes, they have paved roads, running water, electricity and even E! Entertainment Television. I think most people would be surprised at how similar it really is to America.
I think it's strange that no one ever would think of being scared to travel to Spain(where they have bombings by the ETA about every month) or Greece but I often get asked about my safety while I'm here. I'm going into my 6th month in Turkey (total), I've been to 5 different cities, spent most of that time on my own and have NEVER been whistled at, been made to feel uncomfortable, felt like I was in any sort of danger, talked to in a rude way or otherwise made to feel badly for being American or a woman. The weather's awesome, the people are unbelievably polite, the men are cute, women are treated just like they are in America, the food is good, all the things from the US can be found here (except Mexican food) and there is a really low crime rate! Okay, they do have a small problem with censorship.... maybe I should be there PR person. Or maybe not because then they will all start showing up here and it won't be so cool (i.e. Costa Rica). As my friend Christopher would say, I'm very protective of my Turks.

Izmir

Random

Wild, Wild West

I was at dinner with one of my clients and her friends yesterday and she was telling a story about someone in her neighborhood who had decided to shoot a gun into the air just for fun. The women thought this to be very uncivilized and one of the friends said "It's like Texas! No offense, Kelly."

And they say Virginia is for lovers

There is a lot of teenage love around here. I swear for every 13 year old kiz, there is a 13 year old olgan right beside her. Maybe I haven't been around American teenagers in awhile but it seems like these kids are way more affectionate than I would see at home. Lots of hand holding, arms around each other, making out in the park....it's freakin cuuuttttee.

Cok komik

Place your left hand out in front of you about eye height, palm facing you. When you are telling a story, hit the back of your right hand into the palm of your left and this signals when you have told the funny or ironic part of your story.

Alacete

There is a city about 45 minutes from Izmir called Alacete where everyone moves to during the summer, rents beach houses, opens up restaurants and stores and parties for 3 months. This time of year it is nearly empty with almost all of the stores closed and the beaches completly deserted. I'm not exactly sure why because it is still 70 degrees and sunny but I love going there because it is so peaceful and beautiful.

Insallah

I've mentioned before that Turkish people are really superstitious and believe in a lot of hoogely boogely. If you are trying to make plans with someone they will say "I will see you next week, insallah" meaning God willing. Even Hayri who is the most Americanized Turkish person I have met informed me that he is going to see his sister next weekend, insallah. He said he is "99 percent sure." When I asked him why he wouldn't go he informed me that he might get hit by a car by then or maybe his house would burn down in which case he would not be able to make it. Almost all conversations about the future end this way.

Defne

The Boss

Fatma

So Defne's maid, Fatma (for those playing along, that's Hayri's mom's name too) cooks a fresh, vegetarian, low-fat mean for us every night. Salad, green beans, leeks, beans, steamed veggies...you would thing that this would be under my "Favorite Things" column but I was eating so healthy and clean that the pendulum swung today and I ate a whole chocolate bar....and a cookie.....okay two chocolate bars.

Clients

Much like in Ankara, my clients in Izmir are very educated and worldly. It's not unordinary to have a conversation like "Oh you are from San Diego? I got my MBA at Stanford." The clients here know English even better than in Ankara so the day to day struggle of being understood is almost erased. They know English so well they can't even be confused by some of my best colloquialisms and believe me, I've tried. Even some of the most elusive sayings that had heads spinning in Ankara like "bend your knees" or "come on to your heels" are child's play in Izmir.

You want an O with 2 dots on top. No problem.

I've reprogrammed by brain so now I can type on an American keyboard and a Turkish keyboard with the same speed and accuracy. You would think that changing long ago learned habits like spelling my name (in Turkish there is an i with a dot and an i without a dot) would be a problem but it's not. I rule.

Afiyet Olsun

I don't know if I ever mentioned this to anyone before but the Turkish have a word for Bon Appetite which is "afiyet olsun." The problem with this word is it's over usage. If someone hands you a glass of water they will say it. If someone walks in a room and you put a breath mint in your mouth, they will say it. If you are on the phone with someone and you mention that you might be eating in the next hour they will shout "afiyet olsun!" Enough already.

Why am I speaking in Spanish?

I'm not completly back to square one with my Turkish skills but not even close to where I was before. As before when I moved to Ankara, sometimes I will say the word in Spanish when I am trying to speak Turkish. Or if I'm thinking of a word to say, my brain translates from English to Spanish to Turkish. As you can image by the time I have figured out the word, the moment has passed and then this process starts all over again. Ay, Dios mio!
The only time I can say what I really want to say is at Starbucks. "Grand cafe mocha ve soya sut. Cok sucak ve crema yok, luften. Tesekular! Cok merci!

Yok

I've mentioned this one before but it's still my favorite. Clicking your tongue on the back of your teeth like you would signal for a cat to get off the counter means "no."

Tamam

An overexaggerated blink of the eyes means "okay, no problem."

Kaufer

I just got my hair washed and blown out at the hairdressers for $7.

Defne

Back in Turkey but this time it's with a new studio in a new city. The owner of the studio is a 33-year-old daughter of a Turkish diplomat and a British mother. She has a continental accent that is mostly English but with a touch of French (from the early childhood French schooling of course). I came to teach her clients while she was studying for her Pilates certification and to help her pass said certification test but most days I just feel like a mail order friend. We go to the beach, get our nails done, hang out at her husband's restaurant and catch each other up on all the years we missed together.
Defne's husband used to be mildly famous in Istanbul for dating models and being you George Clooney, playboy type before he met her. He was in the tabloid magazines and still gets his picture taken by papparazzi every now and again.
One the first day I was here Defne told me there marraige "wasn't perfect", by the second day she said some people aren't meant to be together forever and that was fine and by the third day they had decided to split up. They are still very nice to each other but she plans to move to Istanbul in January. Allah, allah.